I wish I
had a cat, so it can keep me company when I feel lonely.
I wish I had
a dog, so I can talk to it, hug it.
I wish I
could speak freely about anything. I have all the right and means to.
But I don’t.
I tend to
rather choose to keep it inside the shell.
Missing
that point.
Echoing out
things that actually does make you feel miserable at times.
So, I write
it. Vaguely.
Talk about
it. Vaguely.
So that
perhaps you need not understand it. And perhaps you don’t even have to; or want
to.
So, well go
ahead.
Been feeling like a hero to zero all in a day.
Occasionally, I have this new found glory in myself where I actually love myself for being such a change-maker. It is in my character that I don't like to let things stay as it is, if I do not like it. I'll make sure that I'm a part of changing it to something that I want it to turn out like. I love myself for daring to take risks, to make unconventional decisions, to just bare it and be curious. Heck the consequences, just do it! the spirit, the spontaneity, being rash while maintaining sanity, doing stuff that may make people look at me in a surprised way, being proud, being frown upon, being talked about. I don't need the accessories from others, to beautify my life. I love being in control, I can enjoy it meaningfully without listening to the opinions of others, with the exceptions of my loved ones. I love being me every moment.
However, sometimes, I just feel that I get a little resentful at my actions. That inner gut feeling of terror, that things may fall upon you, undesirable consequences, which may get to you. Why do it in the first place?
However, sometimes, I just feel that I get a little resentful at my actions. That inner gut feeling of terror, that things may fall upon you, undesirable consequences, which may get to you. Why do it in the first place?
It's akin to being an amateur trekker, who just enjoys the nature, enjoys the walk, the view the surroundings. And suddenly, I make a decision to enter the forest. Have never tried before and I want to explore! All in the name of hunger, of curiosity.
I swear that this could be a description of me, if not for my parents who is going on a trip along with me. (sigh, I wonder when I will get that ticket of independence to travel) I have to take into account their abilities and health.
If that situation happens, there could be two consequences.
1) I will be the foolish person, who dares to try it. And realise the beauty and joy in it.
2) I will be the foolish person, who meets danger, uncomfortable situations. And realise that being a risk-taker has its demerits, which can impact you severely in life, and especially if you came across a life-and-death situation.
3) Not mentioned earlier, that is if I do not try it. I will be the most foolish person who will regret.
To clarify, what was being described was nothing at all related to the upcoming trip (although, my initial plans to go trekking in the mountainous areas were cancelled). It is more so about my current predicament being on a wonderful and exciting journey with my cause, amidst many other things I am doing, well in addition to school.
Not that I am a stupid person (I would disagree), but I think Job's quote on "stay hungry, stay foolish" has much in its meaning to be explored; to be interpreted in both positive and negative ways. We can definitely have a conversation about it. And perhaps this conversation would be more meaningful when I grow up and take a look back on my life.
I swear that this could be a description of me, if not for my parents who is going on a trip along with me. (sigh, I wonder when I will get that ticket of independence to travel) I have to take into account their abilities and health.
If that situation happens, there could be two consequences.
1) I will be the foolish person, who dares to try it. And realise the beauty and joy in it.
2) I will be the foolish person, who meets danger, uncomfortable situations. And realise that being a risk-taker has its demerits, which can impact you severely in life, and especially if you came across a life-and-death situation.
3) Not mentioned earlier, that is if I do not try it. I will be the most foolish person who will regret.
To clarify, what was being described was nothing at all related to the upcoming trip (although, my initial plans to go trekking in the mountainous areas were cancelled). It is more so about my current predicament being on a wonderful and exciting journey with my cause, amidst many other things I am doing, well in addition to school.
Not that I am a stupid person (I would disagree), but I think Job's quote on "stay hungry, stay foolish" has much in its meaning to be explored; to be interpreted in both positive and negative ways. We can definitely have a conversation about it. And perhaps this conversation would be more meaningful when I grow up and take a look back on my life.
I do need a
break, and thankfully it was planned this time.
- To be away.
