Grandpa

Oh goodness is love in the air?

So this weekend I went to my grand's house and found out that two of my cousins are kinda attached. OKAY. It's not common in the family to announce that somebody is having a boyfriend or girlfriend, well until it's a steady relationship.

Two.

I'm not too worried for myself, as I took it the news with pleasure. Grand then went on discussing about his children (my uncles) and what he considers good and bad

Grandpa told me in a serious voice (in teochew) "Wenying, you must find yourself a good good boyfriend, you know?? Cannot anyhow get into a relationship, must find a good good partner for yourself"  :)

It was quite funny to receive such remarks from my grandpa. But it warms my heart up, as I knew he meant those words earnestly and seriously.

So, I asked him "what is good good to you, grandpa?"

In his opinion, good good means that the guy has the means to support a family (knows how to earn money), be faithful to me (don't luan luan lai), be loving and knows how to take care of the family, takes care of me.

I think that's a good / fair enough expectations for a good good boyfriend, to me.

I told him, "grandpa, in the future when I found my good good boyfriend, I'll definitely bring him to show you, promise :)."

I hope you understand

3.48am.

burnout angst.
Instinctly, it does not feel Okay when you realise that you are seeing microsoft word, and microsoft powerpoint and switching between the both of it - in your sleep. And making tables in your head, while you should be asleep and free from shit disturbances. It is extremely extremely bothering, it manifests into me in such strange ways but I'm feeling it and I have a plea to help me.

because I think I might be feeling like I'm starting to falter, and it is definitely not a good state.
:( :( :(

understand.

Volatile

There will be small slights I'll never express, things I cannot articulate unless I have to, because that would mean admitting that I was hurt. We are only allowed a certain amount of hurt, a certain number of things we can stand up for, a certain threshold of disappointment to bear.

Everybody is entitled to be busy with their lives.
What makes you think that setting your setting aside of your time for others is more valuable that me setting aside my time for you. I am a busy person, by choice, but I choose to prioritise certain things which I would make time for. Your painful insistence, and stubborn headedness at times remind me that you are still immature and that you don't have the capacity to put yourself in others' shoes. Please, don't expect others' lives to revolve around yours. Just because you are free, does not dictate that ours have to be, and that ours have to fill in that space of yours.

If you want to be present, be present not just physically, but in spirit as well.
Promising you want to be around sounded like an obligation, which I would most politely decline meeting if you were to admit. If you want to do it, please, do it wholeheartedly, or just don't do it at all. 



Those - captured; does no justice to the underlying currents of blue black and red I feel.

What a facade.